Other cricket musicals just waiting to get made
Shane Warne finally has something positive to show for his colourful life – a musical based on his adventure-packed life. The musical has been well received and even the portly spinner has managed a few laughs at his own expense – he’s always been a good sport. The film-making aspects have got a lot of favourable reviews but it’s undeniable that a lot of the success of the musical has to be attributed to the story itself.
That also raises the interesting prospect – that cricket has some more musicals to offer. After all, there is no shortage of lively characters with interesting tales. So let’s look at some other storylines which could definitely set the box-office on fire.
First a disclaimer – These musicals may or may, in full or in parts, have a striking resemblance to characters dead or alive. Such similarities are purely coincidental.
Vinod Kambli – Till the interval, we see a classic ‘rags –to- riches’ story, with a ‘Yeh Dosti’ song thrown in with Sachin Tendulkar. Then fame gets to his head, he starts wearing too much jewellery and ends up losing his wife and his job. He then starts a second innings in the movies, unsuccessfully trying his hand at singing and acting. This will give us enough scope, though, to add lots of songs and dances in the musical. Then when all seems lost, our hero emerges with a super hot wife in tow and then sets another record. He slaps every person who whistles or comments on his wife and ends up scoring 10,000 in double quick time. There is a final scene where Kambli and Sachin come together and cut a cake in the shape of ‘10,000’ together. I can think of three names for this one – 1) Meri Biwi Ka Jawab Nahin 2) Desi Babu English Mem and 3) Bandar Ke Sir Par Chameli Ka Tel. And there are no casting issues with the failed actor and model wife totally available to play themselves on screen.
Beauty and the bum
Imran Khan – This tale of a cricket playing Casanova is actually the most obvious one to make – sadly Shakespeare and Neville Cardus are not around to jointly script it. It will have to be made in English as ‘Romeo goes to Lords’ and in Hindi/Urdu as ‘Sabse Bada Khiladi’, pun intended. The producer will need to get all the participants from the Miss World contest to complete the casting. There will be one song and dance sequence with Imran playing cricket with 21 other women, 2 lady umpires, an all women ground staff and 20,000 women watching. The musical could be released on Women’s Day – after all it is about one man’s life- long passion for loving women. This musical would have helped Imran with the lady voters, but I don’t think the Taliban will allow its screening in Pakistan.
Mohd Azharuddin – A little creative liberty will make this script a sure shot winner. Azhar has a happily married life and Sangeeta is going steady with Salman. Then Azhar gets banned for match-fixing –and some local rowdy tattoos ‘Mera Baap Chor Hai ‘on his son’s wrist. Unable to take the humiliation his wife leaves him and Azhar loses his clarity of speech – it becomes worse than his post match interviews. There will be scenes where he vents his anger by exercising too much. On the other side, Sangeeta gets fed up of Salman’s semi-nakedness and fascination for hunting and leaves him. Then two tortured souls met and hook up. Sangeeta is bowled over by Azhar’s love for fine shirts. With time love heals everything.
I love the fabric of the shirt
Shahid Afridi and Hasan Raza – This one is a parody on how someone passed a fatwa against celebration of birthdays in Pakistan and therefore people stopped aging – on paper at least. How Afridi and Raza had to remain 16 –year olds for a long time. We could call it –‘Abhi To Main Jawan Hoon’. The song and dance will be in a school setting (obviously) with Afridi and Raza in school uniform, with water bottles around their necks dancing away with hot teachers. The closing scene will show the characters lying on their death bed still doing their school home-work
Love on the cricket field
Harbhajan and Sreesanth – A multilingual based on the love –hate relationship between two nut-cases. First there will be great friendship – the two will be shown sledging away in tandem. Love will blossom when they are serving a suspension together. Then too much cricket will take its toll and cracks will appear in their relationship, leading to a slapping, crying and makeover episode. The final scene will be from the ‘Ek Haseena EK Khiladi’ program with the two battling it out for first place. But in the end there will be no winners, only two lovers. It will be a coming out of the closet musical called ‘Cricketana’. (Remember Dostana)
The Boycott family out for a game
Geoffrey Boycott – Remember Colin Cowdrey being recalled as a 43 year old to play against the West Indies. This one will feature a 90 year old Mrs Boycott being recalled to play for England after her grandson has been sent home for batting too slowly. We will also have a flash back scene where a younger Miss Boycott will be shown playing against Bradman in the Bodyline series. This time however, Jardine will use her (as cricket’s equivalent of Mata Hari) and not Larwood to keep the great Don in check. This one should surely shut up Geoff Boycott for good.
Cricket's femme fatale
Related posts:
- Why Indians don’t do well in county cricket? In his book, “Sometime I Forgot To Laugh”, Peter Roebuck provides some insight into a perplexing quandary that has long...
- We are still waiting for Vengsarkar to give it to Dada Dear Mr. Vengsarkar, What is the plan? When are you planning to give Sourav Ganguly ‘more than he asked for’?...
- Books you should never read – Cricket The writers are subject matter experts and have had first hand experience. 1. ‘The importance of solid openers in one...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
