A Common Fan’s Sports Diary

Expected a lot better from Mahendra Singh Dhoni.

And I am not just talking about his captaincy, his batting or his wicket-keeping. Will come back to that sometime later, though. Let me also mention here that he was my junior at school and I am a huge fan.

I am talking about his candid, straight talking approach. This has been the most endearing thing about him. We don’t mind someone who loses, as long as he gives in his best, accepts his follies and shortcomings and is gracious in defeat.

MSD is known to do that, although in his case, his win-loss record has ensured that he has rarely been under the cosh.

Now with a second T-20 World Cup debacle behind him, he has let us all down by abandoning his candour and adopting evasiveness – blaming the IPL parties for his team’s lack of energy and vigour. He didn’t blame the matches – probably hoping that he could fool us into believing that the parties were attended by the Indian players only.

Unfortunately for him, this ploy has not worked and the heat is well and truly on him right now. Everyone, including the highly erudite and highly tainted Mohd Azharuddin, has lashed out at him for his lame-duck justification and many have called for his ouster as well.

I am sure the Indian selectors will do better than that but it is disturbing to discover that Dhoni’s forthrightness was probably a veneer – his successful record as captain affording him the freedom to talk straight. And now it’s worn off as soon as the tide turned against him.

And yet, that is not even half the reason why his justification has pissed me off.

It is because it has completely taken the attention away from the real issues. While everyone is talking about the IPL parties, people have simply forgotten about the real reasons why we were unceremoniously knocked out.

Most of them pertain to our inability to have the right squad for the tournament, pick the best eleven, score quickly against short-pitched bowling and make the right decisions on the field. MS Dhoni surely deservers part of the blame but atleast in his defence you can say that his tactics have often done the trick for India and CSK in the past. The teams have benefitted from Dhoni’s willingness to back certain players and his rigid belief in his tactics.

The other guilty party is the BCCI and in their case, the reasons for the dismal showing are off-shoots of a long standing malaise. They have been common knowledge for the longest time but hardly anything has been done about it. Most of us have already stopped pointing them out. And that is why we have taken greater relish in lambasting Dhoni for the ‘IPL parties’ justification rather than go through the fruitless exercise of pointing out the larger issues with Indian cricket.

I will repeat the issues one more time.

We don’t have sporting pitches in the country and hence most of batsmen are unable to score quickly against short pitched bowling (they don’t have a problem playing them. Otherwise we would have never won text matches abroad). BCCI fully responsible.

We select certain players on form and certain players on reputation, depending on what is convenient and often ignore the playing conditions. Still haven’t understood the selection of Piyush Chawla for instance. Also why Murli Vijay was selected and Ambati Rayudu was not. Dhoni will have to take part of the blame but largely it’s the BCCI’s fault.

Dhoni is largely responsible for the playing eleven and the decisions on the field. Especially for playing with atleast one bowler short. But he cannot be blamed for the lack of all-rounders in Indian cricket. You have no choice but to play the likes of Yusuf Pathan and Ravinder Jadeja when they are the closest thing Indian cricket has to an all-rounder. His penchant for all-rounders is well known (His highly successful CSK side is packed with them).

Luckily for the BCCI mandarins, MS Dhoni has ensured that everyone has stopped talking about the faulty squad selection or short-pitched bowling or lack of all-rounders. In fact the ‘IPL parties’ statement has given people a chance to take another swipe at the man who was responsible for starting them – Lalit Modi.

MSD had a bad tournament (Do we realize that his innings against Sri Lanka – 23 not out off 19 balls does a world of good for his average and strike rate but in the circumstances it was a BAD performance). He could have easily done what he always does – own up to the performance and talk about the real issues – and moved on. We would have still continued to love him. Instead he has shocked us with a laughable excuse, sullying a reputation he had so painstakingly built. And even worse is the favour he has done to the BCCI.

It was amusing when he called a red traffic light a red light area and we had all laughed. This time the only people laughing are the big bosses of the BCCI.

In the EPL and other football leagues in Europe, the bottom three teams are relegated at the end of the season.  Relegation is bad for the clubs – they lose TV revenue, ticket sales drop and their reputation takes a beating. Clubs are paranoid about getting relegated and do everything possible to avoid it. The system of relegation ensures that a club cannot get away with being a bad team. A team cannot be bad on a regular basis because they won’t be in the league after their first bad season.

This is an example of punishing poor performing clubs.

In North American sports leagues, the clubs at the bottom of the pile are given preferential treatment when it comes to picking the best new players entering the league.  All the new players enter the league through the draft and the bottom dwellers from the previous season are allowed to make their picks first. By adding the best new players, the doormats are given a chance to improve themselves and become more competitive.

This asymmetrical  distribution of talent helps in closing the talent gap and is an example of the league helping the poor teams come up to speed.

This system also ensures that teams don’t remain bad for too long ( it works in most cases unless you are the Los Angeles Clippers or the Detroit Lions)

The IPL currently has no system. A team could continue to be bad and nothing will happen. By being in the league it will get its share of the TV and ad money and cricket crazy fans will continue to flock the stadiums.

Therefore, the IPL needs to have a system in place soon. So lets try and identify the best model for the league.

The IPL is similar to the American leagues in the sense that we don’t have a second tier and cannot  relegate the Kings Eleven Punjab for finishing last – simply because there is no place to send them. The lack of a second tier also means there can be no replacements for Punjab. Usually the top teams in the second tier are promoted to the first tier.

And unlike the American system, the IPL cannot have a draft based model to induct new players. So while the IPL should ape the Americans by helping their weaker teams improve, they don’t have the option to copy the American solution.

There is draft-like system to induct the under 19 players but those guys won’t even be making the playing elevens; forget making an impact on their team’s fortunes.

The IPL, however, could tinker with the Salary cap rules, allowing a little extra wriggle room for the bottom two franchisees. They could add an additional amount ( say 10%  for the last placed team and 5 % for the second last team) to the cap value, thereby giving these teams a chance to make some extra reinforcements. Armed with the extra cash, these teams could be a bigger force in the auctions and the free agent market and hopefully lift themselves up from their  position of misery.

These teams will still have to do all the things that go towards creating a winning side starting with signing the right players. The league will just give them a helping hand.

Also, the extra cap should only be applicable for one season.  If the team finishes sixth or above, then the extra cap goes away for next season. Teams will have to manage the cap by signing players for one season or lowering their salary commitment by trading away some players.

The gulf between the sides hasn’t been very huge in the first three seasons. But some teams are showing early signs of having bottom dwelling tendencies. It’s natural that over the course of a few seasons, consistently good and bad teams will emerge. And that as the history of North American leagues shows us, is bound to happen irrespective of the salary cap. It will happen because there will be well run teams and poorly managed ones. The league has no disincentive for the bad teams and cannot get rid of them.  Therefore, it will need to have some kind of a “help the poor teams” system in place. If not for the owners, then atleast for the fans’ sake.

In the first season of the IPL, I had likened Vijay Mallya’s ways of running the Royal Challengers to the methods employed by US Senator Herbert Kohl at his NBA team, the Milwaukee Bucks.

After a forgetful first season, Mallya had concocted a recipe for more disaster by deciding to promote Kevin Pietersen as captain and Robin Uthappa as the captain-in –waiting ( to lead after KP left). Luckily for the liquor baron, he somehow ended up appointing Anil Kumble as captain. Things took a dramatic turn and the Royal Challengers have since been one of the best sides in the IPL – finishing second in IPL 2 and third in 2010.

Things haven’t been the same for Herb Kohl as well. After letting a committee of poorly qualified advisors lead him to make one brainless decision after another, he stumbled onto John Hammond. The former Pistons executive was given complete control of basketball operations and he has since completely turned the franchise around; on and off the court, so much so that he ended up winning the Executive of the year award for the NBA 2009-10 season.

The team made the playoffs without their franchise player Michael Redd ( an undeserving player whose contract is a leftover of the past regime) and then – in spite of losing their best regular season player, Andrew Bogut – is on the cusp of a stunning playoff upset of the much fancied Atalanta Hawks.

And the best part – Hammond has also cut salary in the process. He has drafted well ( Brandon Jennings) , gotten rid of bad contracts ( Richard Jefferson) and made some shrewd trades ( John Salmons)

All in all, the Bucks are one of the few teams well positioned for the future. They have a good core and money to spend. Needless to say the crowds are flocking once again and Kohl is smiling.

Might be a good idea for Kohl and Mallya to get together and celebrate their lucky breaks with a few rounds of UB’s finest.

Some rich people always seem to find good fortune when they need it.

Jacob Oram’s injury was probably the best bit of good fortune enjoyed by any of the teams in this year’s IPL. It opened a slot for a foreign player and the Super Kings plugged a gigantic hole in their fast bowling department by adding the Australian. Bollinger made an immediate impact and the rest as they say is history.

It was akin to the way teams in European football or in North American sports replenish their squads through the mid-season trade window, albeit in Chennai’s case it was the injury to Oram which created this opportunity. Teams generally add a few vital pieces as they head toward the business end of the season. The mid –season trade window is an extremely important element of the league; additions made during it have been known to affect the destination of league titles; fans excitedly look forward to it and sports analysts have a field day conjuring up various trade scenarios.

The IPL governing body could well give their teams a chance to do the same by adding a mid season trade window starting from 2011. It will ensure that teams struggling in one or more departments of their game will have a chance to address their flaws in a manner very similar to Chennai’s. A side like Delhi could have added a new batsman instead of recycling the out of form de Villiers and Dilshan. The home stretch of the league could become even more interesting.

Additions could be done in two ways : teams could either trade amongst themselves and/or have the option to sign one or two foreigners. The number of foreigners in the playing eleven does not have to be changed.

Even if the governing council fails to make this change for the next edition, teams could create this opportunity on their own by leaving one or two foreign player slots empty. This shouldn’t impact them adversely in the first half of the league because hardly any sides use all their foreign players. And even the best prepared sides ( Chennai had three fast bowlers who had played for India) can be stumped by the conditions, injuries or a sudden drop in player form. The trade window will see to it that they have a chance to bounce back with a Bollinger or two of their own. The quality additions can be made because there is a large enough pool of cricketer not playing the IPL; many of them missing from the initial part of the league because of international commitments.

Bollinger’s addition lead to a fairy-tale revival for the Super Kings. Thanks to his example, more bounce backs can be expected in the coming seasons

Wonder if these guys ever talk about improving the Ranji Trophy?

The BCCI wants India to play as many international fixtures to possible because these matches net them a lot of money. Subsequently the heavy international calendar ensures that the tired Indian internationals rarely play in the domestic tournaments like the Ranji trophy, unless they have been dropped and are looking to prove a point. This reduces the star quotient of the domestic circuit and dilutes the quality of the cricketing fare and the intensity of the competition. A combination of these reasons ensures that the fans stay away and as a result the state associations and the BCCI make very little money from these games. As a result these bodies take very little active interest in these games. No effort is made to improve the state of these domestic tournaments.

The players who play in these tournaments have a million reasons to feel dispirited. They play in front of nonexistent crowds. They get paid poorly. And realistically speaking they don’t have a great opportunity to make a case for themselves, thanks to the poor quality of the pitches and the lack of quality competition. Runs scored and wickets taken are always taken with a pinch of salt. Players are rarely put in situations which test their mental fortitude and help them mature as cricketers. Most of the players who shine and get a chance to play at the next level are not well prepared to handle the rarefied air of international cricket. And not because they didn’t have the ability but because they have no experience or practise of having played on sporting pitches or against quality opposition or having been in tough situations. 99% of people reading this will not be able to name the top scorer and the top wicket- taker in last season’s Ranji trophy . If you can then may god bless you.

So is it wrong if players are ready to give an arm and a leg to play in the IPL?

The money is important but there are many other reasons why domestic players would be ready to forego the entire Ranji Trophy season to play a couple of IPL games

Prof Ratnakar Shetty and the BCCI are worried about the charms of the IPL but are they doing anything to make the Ranji Trophy exciting.

The Ranji format is flawed and fundamentally prone to produce defensive boring cricket. Borrowing a few ideas from Australia and South Africa will address that problem. But Mr Shetty and gang either find high scoring draws exciting or they schedule their discussions on domestic cricket during the IPL’s 10 minute strategic timeouts.

Seriously , is it absolutely impossible to market the Ranji Trophy in a cricket crazy country like ours?

Will it be difficult to draw crowds and attract sponsors if UP’s pace battery of RP Singh, Pravin Kumar and Sudeep Tyagi took on the might of Gambhir and Sehwag on a bouncy track with both sides playing to win. A few foreign players could be thrown in to add to the competitive intensity and the star power.

Will this lead to revenue generation from the Ranji Trophy and a better lot of players coming out of domestic cricket.

Yes

Is that in the best interests of the BCCI, the state associations, future India aspirants as well as Indian cricket in general

Yes

Does the BCCI control all the variables that are required to make this happen?

Yes, unless they are being blackmailed by someone from another cricketing nation who has a video of the entire board involved in a gay orgy in the middle of the Wankhede

One of the biggest challenges facing the ICC is the expansion of the game – how to make it popular in more countries.

There are a lot of new countries which play the game but it looks unlikely that the game will really take off there.

The reasons for this not happening are manifold

There is little or no financial security for a player from one of the emerging countries. This is a huge deterrent and creates a multitude of other challenges. It stops people from taking to the game in a big way – The players are largely restricted to expatriates from the major cricket playing nations. Few native residents take to the sport and as a result there is a small pool of players available and the country cannot improve as a cricketing nation.

There are other issues for the lot who take to the sport braving the financial uncertainties. They need to play against better opposition on a regular basis to improve their game. They require exposure to top quality coaching and cricketing stratagem. For lack of all these, even the most talented cricketers from a lesser nation cannot realise his full potential.

As the sport isn’t very popular, the country lacks for funds and can barely develop any kind of infrastructure or run coaching and scouting programs for young players.

Other than international cricket, opportunities to play cricket exist in the IPL and the domestic leagues of England, Australia and South Africa but they are extremely limited. When a clutch of established players can go undrafted in the IPL, what chance does an unheralded player from a developing cricketing nation have?

Other than the task of growing the game in the developing nations, the ICC also needs to arrest the slide that the game is facing in countries like Zimbabwe and the West Indies. These countries are also suffering from lack of sufficient funds

Many these problems could be addressed, atleast in large part, if there were a few more professional leagues on the lines of the IPL.

Before we explain how, we first need to confirm if cricket can accommodate more such leagues.

In terms of availability of players there shouldn’t be a problem. There are enough international players without IPL affiliations to support atleast a couple of more leagues. Then there are the first class players from other cricket playing nations. And finally there are the players from the lesser cricketing nations – atleast a few of them will find a place if there were more leagues.

Finding sponsors is not a problem. And as far as markets are concerned, India itself can accommodate more than one league. The last IPL showed that even a country like South Africa can support a league like this. All in all there shouldn’t be a problem in having more than one league.

There could be questions about whether the new leagues would be as popular as the IPL. After all spectator interest is driven by marquee names and currently the IPL seems to have all of them. This issue will automatically get addressed by market economics and player preferences as it happens in the case of football. If there was a league based in Australasia, then a lot of players from the southern hemisphere could gravitate there. Team owners from different leagues could outbid each other for the big names.

A Champions League amongst teams from different leagues will also make more sense.

Scheduling shouldn’t be a problem. The ICC is anyways trying to set aside a window for the IPL. The other leagues could be held around the same time as it happens in football or even basketball.

Now to understand how it will help the ICC in promoting the game in the newer cricketing nations and rescuing it in the West Indies.

More leagues will mean more requirements for players. Today’s IPL teams have a choice of plenty when it comes to foreign players and are hard pressed to find good Indian ones. The good teams are slowly realizing the merits of scouting and player development. The proliferation of leagues will take this to the next level. Today an IPL team based in Rajasthan goes and scouts for talent in the states of Gujarat and M.P. Tomorrow they could be headed to Barbados and Western Australia and even Harare. There will opportunities for talented players from the lesser nations as well. Countries like Trinidad and Tobago and Wales are nothing in international football. We would have never heard of the likes of Dwight Yorke and Ryan Giggs if there was no premiership. We wouldn’t have heard of Hakeem Olajuwon if there was no NBA.

American baseball teams run full-fledged programs in the Central and South American nations. These programs help in identify and training future stars. Lots of European clubs do the same in Africa and South America. This way the clubs help build the infrastructure and run the youth programs – things which the poorly funded national association cannot do most of the time.

The Pittsburgh Pirates recently found two Indians with the physical tools to become top class pitchers. They took them to America and offered them professional contracts. They are currently playing in the minor leagues and are being top class training. If one of them could make it to the top then the Pirates would do more for the game of baseball in India then the Baseball Federation of Indian could have ever done. A team like the Delhi Daredevils could do the same thing in cricket for a less endowed cricketing nation.

The professional leagues will offer financial security to a talented player from a lesser nation. A player with potential will have all the motivation to actively pursue the game. Playing with the best in the business will help them realize their full potential. These players will learn a lot from playing in the leagues and that will help them when they play for their national sides. Other players from their countries will also benefit from the experience of these players. Some of them could learn enough from the experience to eventually become scouts and coaches – they will help in finding and grooming more talent. These guys could serve as great role models inspiring to induct a whole new generation into the sport.

Most of these benefits could apply to a country like the West Indies as well. The drying talent pool could be reinvigorated if more cricketers could make a good living playing abroad. Jamaica made it to the World Cup of Football, thanks to the bunch of players who play in the lesser leagues in England. Would these players have had the same appetite for the game if they had to do a day job to support their families and playing for the national team was the best they could do.

Would this reduce the importance of international cricket?

No, because International cricket would still serve as the best platform to display your talent to the clubs. Players with international experience will always be more sought and better paid. The ICC could do a few things to ensure that the sanctity and popularity of international cricket remains intact – Like defining some quotas for international players. They will also need to handle the scheduling of the international and league calendar in a manner that players don’t get burnt out and there is minimal conflict of interest.

In twenty -20, the ICC has discovered a format that they can market to the world. Creating more professional leagues will go a long way in making the game truly global.

The batsman in the trophy has the wrong grip - compare his with Dravid's

If you look at the batsman in the IPL trophy, he looks like a right handed player playing a glorious cover drive. He is looking at the ball racing to the boundary on the off side. The semi-circle in front of him shows that arc in which the bat has swung. Now check out the grip of the batsman. The left hand is at the bottom of the handle and closer to the blade. That is how a left hander grips the bat, not a right hander. For a righty, the right hand is at the bottom of the handle. Check out Rahul Dravid’s grip as he is playing the cover drive.

Anyone who has played any level of cricket in life should be able to spot the error.

I am surprised that such a glaring mistake was made in crafting such a high-profile trophy. I am even more surprised that none of the people involved in the managing committee of the IPL noticed it. Or if they did, they probably decided to ignore it.

The commentators also seem to be turning a blind eye towards it. They talk about a batsman’s feet, hand and head position all the time and surely know the difference between a right-handed and a left- handed grip. They wax lyrical about the piece of fine art that is the IPL trophy every time it’s shown on TV but never seem to notice the abnormality of the batsman’s grip.

The error is not such a big deal. Such imperfections quite often end up enhancing the uniqueness and the value of rare objects. Therefore there should be no harm in acknowledging it.

But sadly, everyone is so busy in trying to prove that everything in the IPL is picture perfect, that they fail to notice or acknowledge this distinctive imperfection.

Sometime in the 1980’s; when I’m not sure I could even spell ‘Franchise’ let alone understand what it meant, I first heard of the Harlem Globetrotters. I was totally fascinated by the name. They couldn’t have been more aptly named- they were ‘globetrotting’ as they went all over the world playing exhibition games. Later, the emergence of Michael Jordan as a global superstar forced ‘The Sport Star’ and some Indian newspapers to occasionally mention the NBA (National Basketball Association), adding more such names to my slowly expanding brain. Over the years, I have undergone an online education in the entire ‘franchisee’ concept and learnt of many other equally fascinating team names.

A little analyses of the popular team names (and also the unpopular ones) gives some wonderful insights into the dos and do not’s of the naming process. Fundamentally, there are four key things to take care of

• The name of the team should be unique and memorable enough – so that the team can easily be identified by it. There should be no need to provide the name of the city or the league in which they play. So when you mention the Lakers, you don’t have to add that they are the team from LA which plays in the NBA. You should be like that guy in class who can be identified by his surname only and doesn’t have to give out his full name.
• The name of the team should mean something for the franchise. It could pay homage to something important from the city or honour someone attached with the franchise. Or simply capture the spirit or character of the team. The Dallas Cowboys are from Texas – home of the cowboy. The Georgia Bulldogs truly reflect the ‘bulldog‘spirit of their football team – unflinching in any kind of distress situation.
• The name of the team should never be just a glorified adjective. Like victor or champion or studs etc etc. And the additional superlative or comparative is also a strict no-no.
• Lastly, never copy a team name, even if it’s a team from another league or even if you have slightly modified the name.

Having become an amateur ‘sports team namologist’ of some kind, the coming of professional leagues in India, therefore, was a godsend for me. So far we’ve had a seven team PHL (Professional Hockey League), a six team ICL (Indian Cricket League) and an eight team IPL (Indian Professional League), where 4 teams are yet to be named at the time of writing. So here’s my two bit of ‘namology gyan’ on what’s transpired so far.

First the PHL

Sher-E-Jalandhar – an absolute smasher. The old Urdu-style name makes it even more memorable

Chennai Veerans – unique, with homage paid to the historical Tamil fighters.

Maratha Warriors – similar to the Chennai style and quite apt

Orissa Steelers – The Pittsburgh Steelers are in the heart of America’s steel industry and Orissa has the same status in India

Bangalore Hi-Fliers – the first bad one in the PHL. Falls in the glorified adjective category.

Hyderabad Sultans – a ‘historical’ mistake. Hyderabad had Nizams and not Sultans.

Chandigarh Dynamos – this one is well thought of. Simultaneously reminds us of the Punjabi farmer (the one who drives a tractor) and the truck driver – the hard-working image of a prosperous state.

Overall Verdict – Very good job and I hope the people in-charge show similar wisdom on the more important matters to make the PHL an even bigger success.

Now the ICL

Chandigarh Lions – this one’s fine not great. The people of Punjab are lion-hearted in whatever they do. But doesn’t have the same impact as the word ‘Sher’

Kolkata Tigers – Being the home of the Royal Bengal tiger, the name is suitable but not unique enough as there are tigers in every second state of India. Considering the penchant for lions and tigers, the there should have been a separate auction for the two names.

Hyderabad Heroes – What are they paying homage to? The movie ‘heroes’ of the thriving Telugu
Film industry. Serious paucity of thought from Hyderabad.

Mumbai Champs – The irony is striking. The team calls itself the champs and finishes rock-bottom. So much for egg on your face.

Delhi Jets – What are they depicting? Fighter jets, jets of water, Jet Airways. I have no clue.

Chennai Superstars – Are they trying to out-do the ‘heroes’ of Hyderabad? Our film industry is bigger than yours and our actors are bigger stars.

Overall Verdict – The names are as bad as the ground on which the ICL was played. This league needs a lot of help.

Finally the IPL

Bangalore Royal Challengers – Dr Mallaya wanted an association with one of his liquor brands. But tell me in god’s name, what is a Royal Challenger? Sounds a little too long as well.

Chennai Super Kings – If this team wins the IPL, we can make a case for the inclusion of the word ‘Super Kings’ in the Oxford dictionary. That’s because I don’t think such a word exists.

Delhi Daredevils – Has a nice ring to it but can’t see the connection. Just for their information, there‘s a team called the Washington Senators in the US.

Rajasthan Royals – This one is perfect. Think of simple things folks. Don’t you know your city well enough?

As for the remaining four, here’s a simple suggestion for the franchisee owners.

Naming a new team is a great marketing and PR opportunity. You can make a little money as well. Organize a simple competition to give the people of the city a chance to name their local team. There is enough wisdom and local knowledge in every city to come up with a great name. Additionally, involving the populace will make the franchise popular among the masses and people will start identifying with the team.

Here are the names I could come up with. I am sure you guys can do better.

Kolkata – The Kolkata Liberators. In honour of Bengal’s most well-loved son, Subhash Chandra Bose.

Hyderabad – The Hyderabad Nizams. The erstwhile rulers of Hyderabad.

Mohali – The Mohali Nihangs. A Nihang is a Sikh religious warrior.

Mumbai – The Mumbai Bulls. Celebrating the ‘Bull Run’ in the financial capital of India.

This article was written last year before the IPL teams from  Kolkata, Hyderabad, Mohali and Mumbai had been named. It was originally published in iSport.in

In random order.

Disclaimer: please do not take offense. This is strictly in jest

Why the Knight Riders want to keep losing?

Because SRK gives expensive watches to those who lose (remember KBC)

Why the Knight Riders don’t want to win?

So that SRK doesn’t come back

Cricket based reality show that will never be made…

Kya Aap Knight Riders Se Accha Khelte Hain

What SRK never told Buchanan when the Australian was preaching his new theories on cricket?

Seedhi Baat Baaki Sab Bakwaas. Like he tells the fat guy all the time in the Sprite ad

Why is John Buchanan missing Ricky Ponting?

Because he could have had one more captain in the side

What does Buchanan do when SRK calls him to discuss the team’s performance?

Hello, Hello, Hello…like the Tata Indicom Ad

What a dropped catch in the IPL will soon be branded as?

Another ITC Cigarettes moment of stress – coz somewhere a disgusted SRK is lighting another one

Why Brendon McCullum was made captain of the Knight Riders?

Because as a tradition the worst fielder in the side is made captain of the Knight Riders

When do you know that things are wrong with the Universe?

When Ajit Agarkar stops trying to become India’s answer to Malcolm Marshall and bowls intelligently and within his limits for two consecutive games.

Why are the Knight Riders missing so many catches?

Because they have Two many fielders (McCullum and Saha) who can’t catch without their gloves on

Why Nokia has been asked to stop their ‘Sab Jeetenge’ meaning ‘everyone will win’ ad?

Because the ad is too ironic – everyone is winning other than the team featured in the ad (the Knight Riders)

What could happen if 6,00,000 Dollar man Mashrafe Mortaza doesn’t play a single game?

That money would qualify as a charitable donation to an under-developed nation (Bangladesh) and SRK would be entitled to tax benefits

Why is co-owner and cement Baron Jay Mehta heaving a sigh of relief?

For not coming up with ‘our team is as strong and reliable as our cement’ ads.

Best Batsman – Will go to the batsman with the best combination of total runs, batting average, strike rate and number of key innings.

Current Favourites – Mathew Hayden, Tillekratne Dilshan, Suresh Raina, Sachin Tendulkar and Adam Gilchrist

Best Bowler – Will go to the bowler with the best combination of total wickets, bowling economy, strike rate and number of key bowling performances.

Current Favourites – Lasith Malinga, RP Singh, Pragyan Ojha, Yusuf Abdulla and Anil Kumble

Best Player – At the end of the tournament if the owners had a chance to build their team from scratch again, then which player would most of them want to pick first.

Current Favourites – Yusuf Pathan, Mathew Hayden, Tillekratne Dilshan, Suresh Raina and Adam Gilchrist

Best Indian Player – ‘Best Player’ from the Indian lot

Current Favourites – Yusuf Pathan, Suresh Raina, Irfan Pathan, Sachin Tendulkar and RP Singh

Best Foreign Player – ‘Best Player’ from the International lot

Current Favourites – Mathew Hayden, Tillekratne Dilshan, Adam Gilchrist, Shane Warne and Lasith Malinga

Best Indian Domestic Player- ‘Best Player’ from the lot who have never played international cricket

Current Favourites – Abhishek Nayar, Abhishek Raut, Sudeep Tyagi, T Suman and Mithun Manhas

Most Improved Player from the last IPL – Will go to the player who has made the biggest jump from last year’s edition. Qualification criteria – atleast 7 games played in the 2008 IPL and atleast 7 this time as well.

Current Favourites – AB De Villiers, Dinesh Karthik, Herschelle Gibbs and Jacques Kallis

Best Reserve Player – Will go to the best squad player  – ‘Best Player’ from among the lot who will end up playing less than 7 games. Players who were not even in the squad for atleast 7 games will not qualify.

Current Favourites – David Warner and Dillon Du Preez. The likes of Glenn McGrath and Makhaya Ntini could feature in this category.

Read all the IPL Daily Doses so far