Dancing with the Sport Stars08.14.09

This line-up ain't interesting enough

This line-up ain't interesting enough

This article was written long before  ‘Ek Khiladi Ek Haseena’ happened on Indian Television. The writer had long wished for a program like this and had put together his dream line-up of stars.

This week I was tormented by an episode of ‘Nach Baliye’- a dance competition involving celebrities. The format is interesting but I cannot say the same for the participants. Most of them were small-time TV stars – celeb quotient too low to create any buzz. Then the competition was not gripping enough, in spite of all the snarling and put-on intensity. Not good enough. So what should be done, given that it’s a format with potential? Well, just bring on the real ‘competitors’ and the real ‘celebrities’ – the sports stars.

There is no denying the competitiveness of a sportsperson; it’s also all-encompassing. Trust them to fiercely compete with their five-year old in a game of criss-cross. And even the biggest film stars play second-fiddle to them (remember SRK not being his usual narcissist self at the Pepsi gold world cup launch)

For those of you doubting their dancing skills, here are some hard facts. The British equivalent – ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ has been won by Darren Gough and Mark Ramprakash in the last two editions. Even the American ‘Dancing with the Stars’ has had a Footballer and an Olympic Champion Marathoner as two of its four winners. Other sportspersons like boxer Laila Ali have also figured in the top-3. All these non-dancers have come out on top against a largely filmy opposition – people who dance as part of their profession. Talk of competitive intensity. And before you mention Ajay Jadeja’s disappointing performance, please note that he didn’t have Waqar Younis’ presence to get his competitive juices flowing.

Rather than have more players on ‘Nach Baliye’, I think it makes greater sense to have a full-fledged competition for the sporting fraternity.

So, let’s go ahead and lay down the ground rules, identify the participants and have our own ‘Dancing with the sport stars’.

Rule no 1 – The celebrity participant has to be a renowned sportsperson
Rule no 2 – The partner will have to be someone who has been in some kind of relationship with the player. We will also consider ‘rumoured’ relationships for the sake of all the paparazzi in this country. They need to make a living too.
Rule no 3- At least one member of every team has be an Indian national

And here are the participants. I have taken into consideration the dancing ability of the couple, chemistry, masala news creating ability, popularity (to get enough viewer votes) and finally their competitive spirit. They are in no particular order. In fact, I would request you to rank them and we can have our very own iSport Reader’s Choice Awards. Other than the first prize for best dancing couple we will also have a special prize for the most entertaining couple.

Sourav Ganguly and Naghma – have we ever had a more competitive captain in this country? I guess not. Has no ‘footwork’ to speak of but I am sure will overcome this deficiency. Has an acclaimed dancer for a wife; but I will still go with Naghma. Dona Ganguly is too ‘technically’ correct for Dada’s good. And Naghma’s no slouch as a dancer having matched steps with the great Prabhu Deva. Sourav’s controversial partner and expected victory celebration (taking his shirt off, a la Lords) should have enough fans rooting for him.
Leander Paes and Sania Mirza – Leander’s got great feet and great hands. On top of that, he’s a master of ‘mixed doubles’. Will pick Sania to partner him over ex-girlfriends – actress Mahima Chaudhary and model Rhea Pillai. Sania’s got more glam and the double whammy from the world of tennis opens up interesting possibilities (a tennis based routine perhaps). They have a proven track-record (the Asian games gold) and extra motivation to give every tennis supporter in this country bragging rights over the cricket fanatics. Competitors beware.

Mohd Azharuddin and Sangeeta Bijlani – Here is a man looking for redemption and with no chance of returning to cricket, will make do with whatever he can get his hands on. Azhar’s supreme fitness and athleticism coupled with Sangeeta’s acting experience will make a heady combination. Expect some energetic performances. As for wristy stroke play, he’ll find Sangeeta too heavy to handle. Not to worry. A stint in Azhar‘s gym and she’ll be light as a willow. That should send the competition on a leather hunt.

MAK Pataudi and Sharmila Tagore – This is a special couple. A cricket playing Maharaja and a Bollywood queen from the great Tagore family. Pataudi’s educational stints at Winchester and Cambridge would have given him a thorough grounding in ballroom dancing – a form which will bring out their timeless grace and be further accentuated by their understated romantic chemistry. This older couple will have strong fan following (even splitting the Bengali votes) and will not go out without a fight (remember that Pataudi was the first captain who taught Indians to stand up and fight)

Sanjay Kapur and Karishma Kapoor – Sanjay Kapur is one of India’s foremost polo players (before you open your mouth in surprise). He has also been voted one of India’s most well dressed (check out the first Indian edition of the Vogue magazine). Karishma and her dancing abilities need no introduction. This is a strong team from a purely dancing stand-point but lacks the over-all star quotient and will start as underdogs. This situation might work to their advantage

Imran Khan and Zeenat Aman – The now single pair would look to re-kindle the passion of 1979. (When they first became an item). The best looking couple in the event; the besotted audience (and even the judges) will keep bringing them back for more. Imran’s a born winner and proven motivator of men (and women). Zeenie baby sure knows a thing or two about dancing (think Qurbani). As for Imran; even his walk to the bowling mark was languid grace. Will have support on both sides of the border.

Bipasha Basu and Cristiano Ronaldo – The competition will lose an Indian viewer (John Abraham), but this pair will add an international touch and bring international audiences in droves. Ronaldo’s deft footwork will leave the audience dizzy with delight. It would be the second coming of Super Soccer. Bipasha will have a lot of man-marking to do. But I am sure this Bengali damsel knows her football pretty well.

Ravi Shastri and Amrita Singh – the last time they were together, he won the Champion of Champions in Australia. Shastri is well known for punching far above his weight and an encore cannot be ruled out in this competition. Will have to avoid the ugly ‘Chapatti shot’ though. Amrita has made a return to acting and will be in fine shape for this competition. She will have extra motivation to beat her former in-laws as well. Their favourite dance form – a fusion of Koli and Bhangra styles.

This is quite a formidable line-up. I have purposely not given my rankings as they will create a bias. Please play judge and vote for both categories. Best dancing couple and most entertaining pair.

This article was originally published on iSport.in in September 2007.

ALSO CHECK OUT THE SPORTS QUOTIENT

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We are still waiting for Vengsarkar to give it to Dada11.28.08

Dear Mr. Vengsarkar,

What is the plan?

When are you planning to give Sourav Ganguly ‘more than he asked for’? You were originally planning to do so after the India-Australia series got over, so that there was no undue discord in the team. Thank you so much for that. Because of your noble act, we managed to avoid the discord and win the series. But the series got over on the 10th of November. Today is the 28th. By now, Sourav Ganguly would have got his provident fund and gratuity money also from the board. But he is yet to get what you were supposed to give.

What is keeping you so long? After all you made the announcement on the 10th of October and it’s been almost 50 days since. Are you working on a literary masterpiece for him? The likes of Gulu Ezekiel would have completed two different versions of Sourav Ganguly’s autobiography by now. We don’t need your elaborate prose. Just give us a simple explanation. You can do that in Marathi in case you have suddenly forgotten all your English and your Hindi.

Dada has every right to give Vengsarkar a taste of his bat

Dada has every right to give Vengsarkar a taste of his bat

I am not too surprised that Mr. Manohar and Mr. Pawar have conveniently forgotten to remind you. I had anticipated that. And I wasn’t expecting anything from our lousy media.

I am wondering what has happened to the others – the pundits – the likes of Sunny Gavaskar, Ravi Shastri, Harsha Bhogle and Ayaz Memon – the so-called expert voices. Have they all suddenly got a sore throat? Are they really fair and unbiased?

Forget about giving us a good explanation. I don’t think you have even a bad one.

I think it’s pointless to wait any more – because you never had a case in the first place. You were simply out on a slandering mission, taking a chance on Dada failing in the Australia series.

I hope this cowardly act becomes your lasting legacy and people keep asking you for an explanation for the rest of your life.

Actually, it would be better if your name could be added as a phrase to the English lexicon and be associated  with doing such an act. So whenever, someone makes a false and baseless accusation against an individual, it should be called doing a Vengsarkar.

Wish you the very best for your future career as a card carrying star campaigner of the Maharashtra Navnirman Seva

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Sourav Ganguly’s legacy in one line10.22.08

A watershed moment for Indian cricket

A watershed moment for Indian cricket

WE INDIANS HAD DI**S ALL ALONG BUT DADA TAUGHT US HOW TO FU**

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An open letter to Mr Vengsarkar10.12.08

Dear Mr Dilip Vengsarkar

I was a huge fan of yours. I thought you were one of the better administrators that we had in the game. I was actually pretty upset with the way you treated Sourav Ganguly by dropping him for the Irani Tropy match. But then I ignored it in light of all the other good work that you did – I dismissed it as one bad call on your part.

But now that you have responded to Sourav Ganguly’s criticism of the selection committee and declared that you will give him “more than what he asked for”, at the end of India’s series against Australia, I have also decided to throw you a challenge.

You better have a good explanation for this

Coz dropping Sourav Ganguly was so bad that even Mr Gavaskar was forced to come down from his high horse and make a statement in favour of Dada.

Your waiting for the series to get over so that there is no discord in the team while the matches are on is nothing but a cheap trick to buy yourself some time. You can have all the time in the world but when you do give Sourav Ganguly “more than what he asked for” just make sure you stick to the cricket –related stuff and nothing else. Please care to define your yardstick and timeline for performance objectively. And remember to justify the inclusion of the other members of the ‘Fab Four’ based on the same yardstick and timeline. And that goes for Sachin Tendulkar as well. And if you can’t do that then you are as bad as a card-carrying member of the Maharashtra Navnirman Seva.

Also don’t resort to the tactic of sending a letter to Mr Manohar or to the de-facto BCCI president (Mr Pawar) and explaining your actions. Or doing what Sreesanth and Harbhajan did – that it is our personal matter and we have had a private discussion and sorted things out. I can totally trust the BCCI to do a cover-up job like that. They will wait for the matter to cool down, offer you and Ganguly a carrot each and ask both of you to just shut up. And the matter will be swept under the carpet.

So let me tell you this. This is not a personal matter. This is about Indian cricket and cricket fans need to know what you have to say in your defence. So please don’t take the carrot and call for a press conference whenever you are ready. And then give Sourav Ganguly “more than what he asked for” in front of the whole world in very objective terms. If you can’t do that then you’d better apologize. Either ways we are all waiting

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IPL Daily Dose – 13/05/2008 – Dada the great fielder and why the Daredevils are similar to Roger Federer05.14.08

On this day Sourav Ganguly made history. He picked the ball one handed and hit the stumps directly. But jokes aside, the Knight Riders have now defended scores of 133 and 129. In a tournament where the batsmen have done all the talking, this is an outstanding achievement.

Questions were asked of Kolkata’s ability to beat the big boys. Seems we overlooked the fact that 3 of their 4 defeats happened away from the Eden Gardens. The stadium looked every bit the cauldron that forces visiting sides to self -destruct. Kolkata have 3 more games in the cauldron and look good for 3 wins.

Delhi’s quest for their fifth win in the tournament is beginning to look like Roger Federer’s attempt to win the French Open. No matter what they try, they still end up losing. The changes – like bringing in Maharoof and Mishra have worked but victory still remains elusive.

The only thing that Delhi can do now is to juggle their batting a little. They desperately need some experience in the middle. Right now they open with their two most seasoned campaigners. One of them needs to come in at 4 and hold things together. AB de Villiers or Shikhar Dhawan can move up to open. Moving to his customary opening slot might also bring out the best of de Villiers, who has shown little of the form that made him the player of the tournament in South Africa’s domestic twenty-20 competition.

Dude of the DayShoaib Akhtar. Quite easily the most destructive spell in the IPL so far. Even better then the six-wicket haul of Sohail Tanvir.

Dud of the Day – The top six batsmen of the Daredevils. Made a complete hash of a paltry target. The chase was made respectable by the lower order

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IPL : Jingoism takes a back seat and objectivity is in05.03.08

Sydney, Dec 2007

Harbhajan and Symonds got embroiled in a racism controversy. India was hard done by bad umpiring calls. There was clear lack of sportsmanship from the Australians.

Entire India gets behind Bhajji and condemns the Australian cricket team. Even the Australian media and fans express disapproval of their national team.

Mohali, April 2008

Sreesanth is at his obnoxious best and gets ‘one tight slap’ from national team-mate Harbhajan. The two try to diffuse the matter but Bhajji ends up getting banned for 11 games and Sreesanth is let off with a warning

Most cricket lovers welcome the move and wonder why Sreesanth was let scot-free.
His antics against Mohd Kaif earlier in the tournament were also in bad taste. A ban on the Malayalee, similar to the one imposed on Marco Materazzi for provoking Zinedine Zidane would have tempered his mad streak to some extent.

Quick question 1 – what would have been the reaction had Bhajji slapped Symonds and gotten a ban and fine in return?

Iam sure Indian fans and the cricket board would have pooled enough money to cover the spinner’s financial losses. And he would have become a cricketing martyr at par with the likes of Bhagat Singh.

Quick question 2 – what would have happened if Sreesanth had infuriated big André Nel to the point that the burly South – African hit him with a beamer and got banned for a year?

Sreesanth would be hailed as the second coming of Javed Maindad – a master of the mind games and looked upon as future captain and high-performance trainer.

Jaipur, May 2008

Shane Warne calls out Sourav Ganguly for violating the spirit of the game. He accuses Dada of delaying tactics and for refusing to accept the fielder’s word on a clean catch. The fielder is South- African captain, Graeme Smith. Ganguly retorts with a ‘Look who’s talking’, questioning Warne’s right to make a statement like this in light of the spinners colourful and controversial past.

A case of an Australian and a South- African pitted against one of India’s biggest cricket stars.

Expected reaction from an Average Indian cricket fan pre- IPL – blind faith in Sourav and criticism of both Warne and Smith.

Reaction from Bengali fans and media – How can an Australian (Warne) accuse Sourav of lack of sportsmanship, when they (the Australian test side) themselves were found short of it in Sydney?

Iam a great admirer of the Bengali intellect but this excuse is as pathetic as they come. Aren’t they aware of the fact that Shane Warne is long retired and wasn’t a part of the Australian side at Adelaide. You cannot classify every Australian in the world as unsportsmanlike for something done by a group of eleven. Going by that logic, Saurav and every other Indian cricketer should be as ill-tempered as Harbhajan and Sreesanth. Ironically, the leader of the ugly Australians – Ricky Ponting was a member of the Kolkata side. Wonder why no one brought that up?

And what about Graeme Smith’s word? Have they clubbed all the residents of the Southern hemisphere together now?

As for Dada being late for the start of both innings, this is not even a debate. We all know this is second nature to him.

Reaction from the Jaipur crowd – Rather than being jingoistic and supporting the Indian against the foreigner, the Jaipur crowd showed loyalty for their local team by loudly booing Sourav Ganguly. There is pride in identifying with a franchise, which doesn’t have a single star from Rajasthan. Their biggest hero is Shane Warne – a man who has inspired the so-called whipping boys to four straight wins.

Thanks to the IPL, the fans are no longer obsessed with members of the Indian cricket team. We have started noticing their flaws more than ever before. Jingoism is out and performance is all that matters. The league levels the playing field and everyone has to perform to be loved. The absence of a competitive domestic structure has been made up to some extent by the IPL and the ICL. Guys like Shikhar Dhawan, Yousuf Pathan and Manpreet Gony are slowly becoming household names.

Some folks, however, are incorrigible. The recent performance of their team is a just reward for their loyalties.

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Posted in Alternate Theorieswith 1 Comment →

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